Mylie the Pole Dancer
My dialect always seems to draw unwanted attention. There could be a gaggle of queers at a table gabbing about this or that. The moment I utter a word, it's almost like time freezes still. You could hear a pin drop as curiosity gets piqued. In eerie unison, the Maryanns ask "What ARE you?" Gulp!
Whether I am in SF, Chicago or DC, it's always the same cruel routine. I hear them whisper, "OMG. He DOES talk like Sookie Stackhouse." They ask me to keep talking. Say "America". Bwahaha! Say "nuclear". Bwahaha! Say "Mmm hmm... I'm hungry!" Bwahaha!
Why am I bringing this up? Because tomorrow I begin a grand journey to the capital of the South... Atlanta, Jawja. Unlike me, the Heauxmeaus there have evolved into hardcore metro fags. They walk in Kenneth Cole shoes, wear Undergear shirts, and sport Andrew Christian underwear. As for me, I look like I just fell off the last turnip truck in Chickapen Parish.
I didn't go to some fancy livy-livered Yankee school like Dartmouth. I went to El Ess Shoe (LSU)... the best goddamn sports university in the country. Aiiieeeee! GEAUX TIGERS!
My host is telling members of his fag pack that I am his weekend stripper. That should blunt some questions. Atlanta, I'm coming and looking for a pole to dance on.
Whether I am in SF, Chicago or DC, it's always the same cruel routine. I hear them whisper, "OMG. He DOES talk like Sookie Stackhouse." They ask me to keep talking. Say "America". Bwahaha! Say "nuclear". Bwahaha! Say "Mmm hmm... I'm hungry!" Bwahaha!
Why am I bringing this up? Because tomorrow I begin a grand journey to the capital of the South... Atlanta, Jawja. Unlike me, the Heauxmeaus there have evolved into hardcore metro fags. They walk in Kenneth Cole shoes, wear Undergear shirts, and sport Andrew Christian underwear. As for me, I look like I just fell off the last turnip truck in Chickapen Parish.
I didn't go to some fancy livy-livered Yankee school like Dartmouth. I went to El Ess Shoe (LSU)... the best goddamn sports university in the country. Aiiieeeee! GEAUX TIGERS!
My host is telling members of his fag pack that I am his weekend stripper. That should blunt some questions. Atlanta, I'm coming and looking for a pole to dance on.
posted by Brettcajun at Thursday, August 27, 2009
18 Comments:
THE only Native Atlanta Homo that I know .. is well, ME... and I live in upstate New York now. None of those metro atl gays are from there. So you just talk as slow and funny as you want and all those Ohio boys in atl can.. ( wait for it) Kiss your griods!
I didn't even know what Andrew Christian underwear was. Does that make me a bad gay
Yeeeaaaahhhh - try being a Yankee from Boston going to Goober-Land.
"Say 'park your car in Harvard Yard'!" Pfssssst - Sookie Stackhouse my ass.
Have a good time though and don't do anything I wouldn't do, which leaves you with A LOT of leeway my Furry Cajun Friend.
Don't you worry about those Atlanta boys in their Kenneth Cole shoes, Undergear shirts, and Andrew Christian underwear. Just be yourself, and work that Chicapen Parrish charm!
AS a northerner who has no idea who Andrew Christian is, but who had his first man on man with a law professor at Georgia Southern, let me tell you that there are plenty of northerners who dig southern men and prefer them to our hometowns. The guy ruined me forever. A southern accent and I'm showing. Big time.
Ask them to come up with a better word for "y'all."
This OKIE says just continue to be yourself and let the metro sexuals be what ever they hope to be. Say cement. Hugs M & G
Oh, man, you're accent's adorable. Tell the people who drive "Cah"s and open "Doe-ah"s to bite your juicy red... well anyway you know what I mean.
Put this into some sort of perspective: nobody in America speaks ENGLISH anyway!
(Runs away before he gets hit by flying bricks)
;)
There is nothing wrong talk like the way you are! It just gets you more attention! :) Have fun at Atlanta!
What's wrong with Sookie Stackhouse, she doesn't have any accent I can hear?
ps. I like the Tennis posts, even if they do come in a rant....
Whenever I hear a "southern drawl", I automatically deduct 10 I.Q. points.
Livy-Livered?? That must be from some fancified LSV book lernin!
can't let RG and BC in a room together... that would b the verbal equivalent of matter and anti-matter.
Jeff, that's OK, when ever we hear a Yankee talk, we know to get our rubber boots on and find the shovels cause we'll be harvesting some fertilizer tonight!
but we will be doing it with a big smile on our face...
Mathias: Wadda you retahded?
now THAT is an out-call!
hmm, i'm just thinking about you doing a Jiggy Dance with a stripper pole...please!
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