The War of the Roses:

In just a few hours, E.Shrew will play his first tennis match in six long months. Except for tennis tourneys, he has rarely played any tennis whatsoever. His lack of play keeps him down at #4 in Brettcajun's World Tennis Rankings.

Until today. E.Shrew has promised to come out of retirement and play the #1 ranked tennis player. Queue the dramatic music. That's right! #4 E.Shrew vs. #1 Brettcajun at City Park. Since I have been playing tennis regularly against #3 The Office Guy and #2 Whipping Boy, I should deliver a SPANKING OF EPIC PROPORTIONS to the Shrew! That is how it is supposed to go.

Or does it? Somewhere hidden deep down in my brain, I distinctly remember an eerily similar scenario that went horribly wrong for me. The Shrew spanked me 6-1, 6-0. It was the most humiliating and embarrassing defeat of my career. It was so bad, that the only way I could cope was to deny it actually happened to me. I convinced myself of this and never put it on my blog.

Truth be told... my achilles hill has always been playing tennis with intense emotion. When playing someone like my partner, my emotions tend to rule over my intelligence, and I am subsequently doomed to failure. How could my husband be beating me? Oh my God... he is now smarting off and sneering at me! That fucking bastard! I get HOT like Tabasco.. and that "L" word happens.

Whipping Boy is more like me... he hits hard and tries to outduel me in a battle of the egos. There is no love or sexual tension. He is just an enemy combatant to me that is trying to knock me out of my perch at the top. We are both running toward the net trying to nail some devastating shot to humiliate each other. I can play that type of player just fine!

When I play tennis with my squeeze toy, the game is very personal. I sleep in the same bed as this person. Any loss will be hung over my head for the rest of the day. All of our friends will be promptly informed when we see them out. Thank goodness we rarely play or I would never be #1 in my own rankings.

How will our first match together go in just a few hours? Will there be bitterness? A horrible loss by me will surely have a devastating effect on the Brettcajun's World Tennis Rankings. Stayed tuned for the match results.